Identity Crisis

Someone asked me today to send over a bio – just “a bit about what you do.” I love my weeks, but I absolutely hate this question.

‘What I do’ sounds deranged.

I teach some kind of class every day except Saturday: dance, relaxation, pilates, bootcamp, ballet, aqua and so on.

Around three times a week, I have a hypnotherapy client.

After Christmas, I will also teach on Saturday, because I can't resist this.

Sometimes I’m organising retreat events where people drift off in a soundbath hammock, or getting people to climb trees and do outdoorsy things at team-building events.

More recently, we’ve been taking our first baby steps into helping companies to shake up their wellness (this has been something I’ve wanted to do for so long, I can’t tell you).

The rest of the time, I’m writing, recording, coaching, or creating online courses in my office with a lovely view of the New Forest.

I’m also armpits-deep in arranging a festival (Menofest!) for 3,000+ this summer with a fabulous team, and I have two weekends of group coaching days coming up - which I love.

The point is: most things I do, in one form or another, involve people spending time together, sharing a physical space (or trying to persuade them to).

In person.

It's been in-person at halls, spas, hotels, one billionaire’s house, sticky working men’s clubs, forest clearings, stately homes, a children’s event nightclub residency – even a convent a couple of times. Pretty much everything in between.

Many people reading this will have been there with me.

What’s more interesting than that list (although, to be fair, it is quite an interesting list)

…is how much in-person life is on the decline.

Around 65% of UK diners now use digital ordering (QR codes, apps) when eating out.

The UK food delivery market is now worth more than £15 billion – it’s grown about 87% since 2019.

It’s estimated that somewhere between one-quarter and one-third of late-night venues have closed in the past five years.

IN is definitely the new OUT – but mostly behind a screen rather than shoulder-to-shoulder.
The statistics tell us that much.

We’re doing more through screens and less with each other, while being the most stressed, anxious and unhealthy in a generation.

QR codes where people used to be (the stats for that is a whole other rant).

Apps where conversations used to happen.

Delivery where we used to chat about any old nonsense, at the till.

It adds up.

That overlap isn’t the whole story, but it isn’t a coincidence either.
And I really think this is something we need to actively work on.

It’s so much easier to order something from Amazon rather than browse the local market, and then be shocked at the half-empty high street when we finally visit.
We’ve all done it.

I don’t think the answer is to start living like it’s 1978 – I wouldn’t give up Deliveroo, Amazon or QR menus without a good oily wrestle.

But it’s worth noticing how quickly all of this chips away at confidence, motivation, and the little ordinary interactions that used to be the norm.

We see fewer people, and our network quietly shrinks as we get older.

One in nine UK adults will spend Christmas Day alone this year.
Around 590,000 people over 65 won’t see or talk to anyone on the day, and 1.4 million will eat dinner alone.

Loneliness is statistically as bad for you as smoking for longevity, and it’s a very comfortable, convenient slope that's easy to slide down.

I’d bet your best memories involved other people.
Most of the good ones do.

So here’s a small experiment.

Try one real-life interaction this week that you’d usually skip.

Order at the counter.
Go to the checkout rather than the self-scan.
Speak to an actual person. 
Ask the question.
Strike up the conversation.

None of it's trivial.
Put yourself out there, in the real world.

Just to keep flexing your interaction muscle, especially if you know you spend a bit too long behind a screen.

And in a world this convenient, that tiny bit of effort can have a surprisingly positive effect on your mood, your confidence, and – according to the data – your longevity too.